What is Chemsex? Understanding the Practice and Substances
The Deeper Longing: Euphoria, Connection, and Non-Duality
Why Chemsex Addiction Affects the LGBTQ+ Community
The Consequences: Mental, Physical, and Emotional Risks
Healing Through Recovery: Higher Power, and Self-Compassion
Finding Support: Community, Journaling, and the Path to Connection
I was talking to the founder of a treatment center here in Los Angeles (No Matter What Recovery) and one of their specialties is treating chemsex addiction.
Chemsex is the practice of “using drugs to enhance sexual experience, often involving the use of specific substances such as stimulants, club drugs, or other chemicals to prolong, intensify, or facilitate sexual activity.” (Claude)
It got me thinking. Who doesn’t want euphoria?
Who doesn’t want total connection and the feeling of merging with another? I think most people can relate to the idea of using some form of substance to quell social anxiety and the desire to try to leap past insecurities to quickly get closer and more relaxed with others.
I think that at the base of this desire is the existential ache for unity with something larger. Possibly the experience of non-duality (a oneness with everything) that we probably experience before and after this material life on planet earth.
Much of what makes a 12 step program successful is Step 3 in which one (after admitting they cannot manage the problem) surrenders the problem to a higher power. This is the beginning of a relationship with higher power, however that might be perceived, and the experience of the higher power within yourself. “I can’t manage this alone and I need help” is the first and biggest step someone can take. And this step creates the very real experience of knowing that there is help to be gotten.
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Something larger than yourself. Some use the G word, some call it the universe, IFS therapy calls this the Self. No matter. Just know it’s a higher and wiser and more loving entity within you and outside of you.
So there is a longing, and then there are all the ways we try hard to fill the longing. If you are a gay man (chemsex is most prevalent in the gay community) whose life has been saturated with shame and rejection because of your physical presentation and desires, it makes so much sense to me that to find a community of others that want to belong, to feel better, and to feel elevated from this difficult world for a time would feel like filling the void. At least for a time.
The downside however, is steep. (Besides the addiction itself there are great risks for deepening mental health issues such as depression and paranoia, as well as the physical risks of dehydration, overdose, STIs, HIV transmission {especially with needle sharing}, and liver/kidney strain.)
So how do we ease this ache within ourselves?
How do we achieve a deep connection to ourselves and to others so that we feel less alone? How do we care for ourselves and our needs without also harming ourselves?
Awareness of the longing, and finding compassion for yourself is key.
Find a community that is focussed on something positive (recovery or otherwise) because the opposite of addiction is connection!
Develop ways in which you are treating yourself as your own most important person. Write to yourself in journal form to understand your thoughts and feelings. Write to your Higher Power to ask for help. You can write your version of a higher power, and then write yourself back as the higher power. See what happens!
Contemplate the idea that true connection with self is often quiet (and is always available) along with the idea of releasing the need for a ‘big’ experience.
As always, we at Expansive Therapy are here for you. If you need help in your recovery, please reach out.
Something larger than yourself. Some use the G word, some call it the universe, IFS therapy calls this the Self. No matter. Just know it’s a higher and wiser and more loving entity within you and outside of you.
So there is a longing, and then there are all the ways we try hard to fill the longing. If you are a gay man (chemsex is most prevalent in the gay community) whose life has been saturated with shame and rejection because of your physical presentation and desires, it makes so much sense to me that to find a community of others that want to belong, to feel better, and to feel elevated from this difficult world for a time would feel like filling the void. At least for a time.
The downside however, is steep. (Besides the addiction itself there are great risks for deepening mental health issues such as depression and paranoia, as well as the physical risks of dehydration, overdose, STIs, HIV transmission {especially with needle sharing}, and liver/kidney strain.)
So how do we ease this ache within ourselves?
How do we achieve a deep connection to ourselves and to others so that we feel less alone? How do we care for ourselves and our needs without also harming ourselves?
Awareness of the longing, and finding compassion for yourself is key.
Find a community that is focussed on something positive (recovery or otherwise) because the opposite of addiction is connection!
Develop ways in which you are treating yourself as your own most important person. Write to yourself in journal form to understand your thoughts and feelings. Write to your Higher Power to ask for help. You can write your version of a higher power, and then write yourself back as the higher power. See what happens!
Contemplate the idea that true connection with self is often quiet (and is always available) along with the idea of releasing the need for a ‘big’ experience.
As always, we at Expansive Therapy are here for you. If you need help in your recovery, please reach out.
