We are all lacking in attention. This frenetic, capitalistic, anxiety filled life is not conducive to slowing down and being present. 

If we are spending our days scrolling and using all kinds of other things in a quiet panic to avoid the moment, then we are also feeling a lack of groundedness and simplicity and connection. While anxiety on some level is what keeps us scrolling, (or drinking or shopping or watching bad TV, etc) it is the paying attention to the moment that is the cure. 

Attention = Love

Think about how you feel when someone is paying close attention to you.  For some, finding a good therapist can be healing simply because of the attention they are experiencing. (Although paying excellent attention is an art form, perhaps simple, but not easy.) Nowhere in your life will you have someone that listens so carefully as your therapist. Out there in the rest of life we generally go back-and-forth in conversation with someone else and instead of fully listening we are preparing our own rebuttal.

How do we create a life that includes more moments of attention?

The feeling of loving attention that arises in us does not have to be about something that is terribly exciting. In fact, it is our ability to slow down and be with something or someone in any given moment that creates a loving experience. The loving experience of attention. Attention being the loving experience itself.

Attention = Connection

Paying attention to someone else or having them pay deep attention to us creates a beautiful connection.  In this space of time, we are in a relationship, we are connected, and we are not alone. Did you read The New York Times article about how to fall in love with anyone?  It’s 36 questions asked while attending to the answers. It’s the attention that is the magic ingredient.

What is a good lover other than someone who pays very good attention?  They attend to your feelings, your desires, your body.

And what about the attention that we give ourselves? 

Much of the therapy sessions I hold are spent endeavoring to create more awareness between the client and their own feelings, their own thoughts, and their own desires.

Attention to oneself creates the essential intimacy of life. 

The relationship we have with ourselves (does this feel like a mystery to you?) is the one we have from birth to death.  Paradoxically, the closer we are with ourselves and the better we are at attending to our own needs, the more skill we have to attend to someone else and their needs. A deeper inner connection equals the ability to connect more deeply with others.

The essential ingredients of attending:

1. Slow down.  No one has the ability to pay good attention if they are in a hurry.

2. Relax.  Take a breath that you can feel.  

3. Take in, with your senses, all that is coming into your field. 

Try this at home. You can do this with your dishes, your laundry, your email or your lover.  What comes up for you?  If anxiety or depression keeps you from being able to focus, it might be time to talk to someone.  We are here to help.