The Realities of Being Queer in the Workplace

Danny Wang, LMHC

How big is this closet?

Coming out of the closet is seen as a monumental milestone in queer lives. Leaving the safety of conformity can be terrifying, but liberation and self-love, infinitely rewarding. With a sigh of relief, we assume that coming out is just a one-time event that’s finally behind us.

Unfortunately, the closet doesn’t end there.

When entering the workforce in adulthood, some queer folks can find themselves in a familiar place. This time, one that says, “leave your personal life at the door.”

Recent research has found that 46% of LGBTQ+ workers are closeted at work, 53% report hearing discriminatory jokes, and 31% are unhappy and depressed at work.

It’s hard to breathe in here.

Yes, there is a degree of self-censorship expected at work. But surprise, surprise—it’s a double standard.

The study found that information just about queer sexual and gender identities tended to be treated as “too personal” or experienced as uncomfortable, despite all workers having personal conversations and sharing the same things at similar rates.

But the damage is done. With the promise of “professionalism,” queerness is subtly singled out as a problem, leading some to silence their identity once more.

“I don’t want to make others feel uncomfortable.”

“I’m worried that they’ll judge me.”

“What if I get fired?”

Sadly, being closeted can be detrimental to mental health. People experience feeling depressed, distracted, and exhausted from the mental strain of hiding and shielding their identities. Many isolate from certain people, social events, and the office. There are real consequences to career opportunities and trajectories, including many ultimately leaving their jobs. And while those in leadership have the power to foster an inclusive culture where people can bring their authentic selves, they often don't do enough, if anything at all.

In fact, nearly 4 out of 5 LGBTQ+ adults reported taking actions to avoid discrimination, such as changing their behavior and appearance, concealing relationships, or even avoiding major life areas like their work, medical care, schools, and public spaces as a whole.

It’s not just you. It’s not fair. And it's not your fault.

How big is this closet?

Unfortunately, the closet doesn’t end there.

When entering the workforce in adulthood, some queer folks can find themselves in a familiar place. This time, one that says, “leave your personal life at the door.”

Recent research has found that 46% of LGBTQ+ workers are closeted at work, 53% report hearing discriminatory jokes, and 31% are unhappy and depressed at work.

It’s hard to breathe in here.

Yes, there is a degree of self-censorship expected at work. But surprise, surprise—it’s a double standard.

But the damage is done. With the promise of “professionalism,” queerness is subtly singled out as a problem, leading some to silence their identity once more.

“I don’t want to make others feel uncomfortable.”

“I’m worried that they’ll judge me.”

“What if I get fired?”

It’s not just you. It’s not fair. And it's not your fault.

How big is this closet?

Unfortunately, the closet doesn’t end there.

When entering the workforce in adulthood, some queer folks can find themselves in a familiar place. This time, one that says, “leave your personal life at the door.”

Recent research has found that 46% of LGBTQ+ workers are closeted at work, 53% report hearing discriminatory jokes, and 31% are unhappy and depressed at work.

It’s hard to breathe in here.

Yes, there is a degree of self-censorship expected at work. But surprise, surprise—it’s a double standard.

But the damage is done. With the promise of “professionalism,” queerness is subtly singled out as a problem, leading some to silence their identity once more.

“I don’t want to make others feel uncomfortable.”

“I’m worried that they’ll judge me.”

“What if I get fired?”

It’s not just you. It’s not fair. And it's not your fault.

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But how am I supposed to be out with so much at stake?

Being misperceived and put back into the proverbial closet can be jarring for those first entering the workforce, or even transitioning into a new job. The added pressure of wanting to be accepted and rewarded only raises these stakes.

However, your unique identity is a demonstrable strength. Research finds that diversity fosters higher performance and significant financial returns. It is not something that is to be dismissed as personal. It is relevant and it is valuable.

Your identity is a crucial part of the whole package, and a part of what makes you amazing.

The reality is that coming out is a defiant demand to be seen and valued. It is a continuous process of reaffirmation, that can happen not only in work, but in every area, transition, and phase of life. It involves asking tough questions and can be incredibly vulnerable.

But finding the right support can make it easier. Working with an experienced therapist can help you embrace your strengths, explore your choices, empower yourself to take steps in navigating these challenges, and find your way to a place that is dignifying and welcoming of you as your whole person. Until you’re ready, we’ll be here waiting.