I recently binged every season of Girls. Watching it all at once—as opposed to the way I originally did, week by week—gave me a new appreciation for the arc of the main character, played by Lena Dunham. And I noticed a few other things too.

Lena spends much of the show nearly naked. She makes a point of it. There are also lots of awkward and surprising sex scenes. She gave us season after season to get our eyes and our minds used to the idea of different bodies and different experiences that were the opposite of polished. I loved this. 

What struck me most was how she opened a part of my mind that often feels hijacked by our capitalistic culture—one that constantly tells us to be thinner, stronger, younger, smoother.

In Lena’s Girls there was room for everything. I fell in love with that. Isn’t that the same as falling in love with your own queer, outside the het-norm cultural way of being in the world? 

Binging the series created a kind of closeness with the characters. Lena’s consistent vulnerability—her unabashed nudity—went from feeling bold and shocking to familiar, then finally, to something I found deeply lovable. By the end of the show, I loved every part of her exactly as she was.

So how do we filter out the greater cultures' insistence of beauty standards, of skinniness and muscles, of images that we can never live up to? 

I ask myself, how can I see with fresh eyes, with vulnerability, with acceptance?

 It wasn’t just her choice to be nude so often, but the portrayal of nudity and sex that was not the typical scripted scenes we are used to seeing on screen. You know, the scenes that are so beautiful and where there is hardly any warming up before both partners are coming? While we know these scenes aren’t realistic, they register over and over again in our minds as ‘this is what good sex is’’ causing an even greater barrier to feeling relaxed in our own imperfect and sometimes awkward sex lives. 

What opens our hearts (where all the good stuff happens) is vulnerability. 

I think that’s why I loved her character so much. She was daring in her ability to say, I’m going to love myself as I am. Do I think she actually feels totally accepting and loving towards her body all the time? She lives in this world too, and so I’d bet that, just like the rest of us, it’s a struggle. 

Nothing seems to be slowing the capitalistic movement of wellness as it relates to our bodies. I don’t even try to escape it, like cell phone use and overuse, I just want to become more mindful and challenge myself every now and then. In a perfect world, we would accept and love ourselves as we are. We can start by being aware of when we are not.

 I often think about nature, and trees in particular. About how they are each of a different size and shape. How some will be sickly and die off soon while others will last for many many years and flourish. We don’t think about judging the trees. And yet, we aren’t different from trees. In essence, we are all interconnected while at the same time all being completely our own shape and size and color. If this concept feels very foreign to you, you may want to consider a psychedelic experience. 

Can we think of ourselves as a tree? Lena helped me do that. In this thought space there is a little more room for cultural imperfection and realness. I want more of that.

 If you struggle with loving your own physical body, with dysmorphia or disordered eating or any obsession with becoming more perfect, consider reaching out and scheduling a therapy session. We are here for you.