Stop Trying to Cut Down on Your Screen Time. Do this instead.

Nick Fager, Expansive Cofounder

Let’s start by acknowledging two things. 1. Phones aren’t going anywhere, and 2. We are all addicted to our phones.

Okay, phew. Acceptance feels good. Now let’s move on to how best to deal with this new reality.

Cue the thousands of articles and videos telling us to cut down on our screen time. If only it was that simple. Addiction, choice, and willpower are unfortunately not as related as people assume. Addiction is very hard to beat simply by making the decision that we are going to beat it. Studies have shown that people who are addicted to substances usually describe themselves as “very strong willed,” and yet there is no correlation between their levels of willpower alone and recovery status.

The neurochemical drive to open our phone and get another quick dopamine rush usually outweighs the part of us that wants to cut down on the behavior. Think about how long that dopamine seeking behavior has been going on and strengthening through habit, and then think about how long that desire to stop has been going on. Typically, the latter gets trampled.

The other problem with “cutting down” or focusing on lowering our screen time is that we often use shame as a tool. We label the behavior as bad and then seek to lower our amount of bad behavior. But shame isn’t very effective in the long term because we are setting up an internal battle between the part of us that wants to use our phone and the part that is labeling that desire as wrong. Adding to our shame ultimately decreases our energy levels and makes our internal experience more unpleasant. Ironically, using shame as a tool actually makes screen time more appealing, as a way to stay mindless and avoid the internal discomfort of shame.

Shame based cutting down strategies also make our screen time somewhat unpleasant. Screen time can and should be pleasurable - relaxing, informative, connecting - when done in moderation.

What do we do instead?

Stop focusing on the “problem.”

Instead of focusing on cutting down on something negative, focus on building up something positive. Focus on expanding the amount of activities in your life that take you away from your phone.

This is not to say you should be in denial about your phone usage, it is simply a strategy to align with yourself instead of adding to your shame. More shame leads to less energy and less engagement in the world.

When you focus on an expansion instead of a cutting down or contraction, there is less of an internal battle going on. Shame doesn’t need to be in the driver’s seat, and less shame means more creative energy.

Harness that energy to build out your IRL life.

The Garden Method

Take out a piece of paper and some markers, or a pen.

Take a minute to think about the non-phone activities you regularly engage in now. Examples would be a bath or swim, meals with friends and family, sports, music, yoga, walks or hikes, drinks or coffee with a friend, meditation, going out dancing, ceramics class, organizations that have IRL meetings, a hobby club like a book or wine club, a hiking group, etc.

Your piece of paper will become your garden. For now, draw a line near the bottom that separates the soil from the air.

Then imagine each of those non-phone activities as a seed. You on your bike, for example, within a seed. You with your partner at dinner, also a seed. You at yoga. Seed.

Draw each seed within the soil.

This is the beginning of your garden. Leave it somewhere close, and add to it over the coming weeks and months.

Bring your focus to building IRL routine. As you continue to engage in each of your activities, draw those seeds growing into sprouts, and then into flowers, trees, fruits, and vegetables. Maybe the plant is somehow reminiscent of the activity. Maybe an especially positive outing results in more growth than usual for that plant.

Then look at the rest of the soil in the garden, the space that you haven’t yet planted in. Brainstorm other ideas for IRL, non-screen activities. Maybe it’s a spiritual practice, going to the theater or a comedy show, or walking your dog one more time each day. These become new seeds. Add one new one every once in a while, at a pace that feels right to you, so as not to burn out or exhaust yourself.

Not every seed will make it to green shoots, and not every green shoot will make it into a flower or tree. Not every activity will resonate with you, and some you will never go back to. Those green shoots will eventually rot and turn into soil again. The important thing is that your energy and focus are devoted to something growing and emergent.

Hopefully at the end of a few months, you’ll have a thriving garden, or at the very least a foundation to build on in the future. There will likely come a season when the garden shrivels up and dies. Your screen time will go up again. You will feel lazy, and like you’re regressing or even failing. But trust that the seasons will continue to shift and the energy to tend to and grow your garden again will return.