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Identity

Getting Back to Self

Estephany Hinojosa

The concept of the self is incredibly elusive. Ever fleeting, swayed, and obscure. 

Each day, we’re pulled further and further from that which is inherent in us - our power, our love, our joy, our ease - our self.

Oxford Languages defines ‘self’ as being “a person's essential being that distinguishes them from others, especially considered as the object of introspection or reflexive action.” 

If our being is essential to us - personal to us - and distinguishes our self from other selves, why is it so difficult to define it and tap into it? After all, it is what makes us who we are.

We are all born with a self that is fed through the socialization that occurs in the many webs of our lives: family, school, mass media, politics, religion, etc. These are the threads that help make up the fabric of our lives. 

However, it often feels like those very threads that make us up are the same ones unraveling us.

An unfortunately common instance that can cause such unraveling is being a parentified child. This is an experience I can personally relate to, as growing up, I was the only girl in my Caribbean family. Thus, I was expected to take on a care-giving role that took me away from the care-receiving role of a child. 

This giving quality was nurtured so much to the point that I became an adult who often gives and gives, without realizing that many people are satisfied with endlessly taking and not reciprocating.

Once I recognized that this was a problem behavior I was exhibiting, I worked to course correct through the understanding that I cannot continue to pour from an empty cup.

The concept of the self is incredibly elusive. Ever fleeting, swayed, and obscure. 

Each day, we’re pulled further and further from that which is inherent in us - our power, our love, our joy, our ease - our self.

Oxford Languages defines ‘self’ as being “a person's essential being that distinguishes them from others, especially considered as the object of introspection or reflexive action.” 

If our being is essential to us - personal to us - and distinguishes our self from other selves, why is it so difficult to define it and tap into it? After all, it is what makes us who we are.

We are all born with a self that is fed through the socialization that occurs in the many webs of our lives: family, school, mass media, politics, religion, etc. These are the threads that help make up the fabric of our lives. 

However, it often feels like those very threads that make us up are the same ones unraveling us.

An unfortunately common instance that can cause such unraveling is being a parentified child. This is an experience I can personally relate to, as growing up, I was the only girl in my Caribbean family. Thus, I was expected to take on a care-giving role that took me away from the care-receiving role of a child. 

This giving quality was nurtured so much to the point that I became an adult who often gives and gives, without realizing that many people are satisfied with endlessly taking and not reciprocating.

Once I recognized that this was a problem behavior I was exhibiting, I worked to course correct through the understanding that I cannot continue to pour from an empty cup.

The concept of the self is incredibly elusive. Ever fleeting, swayed, and obscure. 

Each day, we’re pulled further and further from that which is inherent in us - our power, our love, our joy, our ease - our self.

Oxford Languages defines ‘self’ as being “a person's essential being that distinguishes them from others, especially considered as the object of introspection or reflexive action.” 

If our being is essential to us - personal to us - and distinguishes our self from other selves, why is it so difficult to define it and tap into it? After all, it is what makes us who we are.

We are all born with a self that is fed through the socialization that occurs in the many webs of our lives: family, school, mass media, politics, religion, etc. These are the threads that help make up the fabric of our lives. 

However, it often feels like those very threads that make us up are the same ones unraveling us.

An unfortunately common instance that can cause such unraveling is being a parentified child. This is an experience I can personally relate to, as growing up, I was the only girl in my Caribbean family. Thus, I was expected to take on a care-giving role that took me away from the care-receiving role of a child. 

This giving quality was nurtured so much to the point that I became an adult who often gives and gives, without realizing that many people are satisfied with endlessly taking and not reciprocating.

Once I recognized that this was a problem behavior I was exhibiting, I worked to course correct through the understanding that I cannot continue to pour from an empty cup.

In this lifetime, I have a responsibility to myself –

Our responsibility to our self is to get back to it. To hear it. To nurture it. To feed it. To honor it. 

For me, getting back to self has meant listening to my intuition - and understanding how my body feels in certain situations. I often ask myself:

How do I feel when I’m around this person/these people? What is my self trying to communicate? 

How do I want others to feel when they’re around me? Do I grant them that same feeling? What is my self looking to attract?

What does happiness mean, look, and feel like to me? What is my self wanting to sense?

Answering these questions is not easy and they take time to comprehend. Daily practices such as somatic techniques, reflection, and gratitude support these efforts.

While it takes time, I am working on healing my inner parentified child by returning to what I want and need. Only through actively working to understand myself can I be a better person to other selves.

If you are wanting to get back to self and find that it is something you’d like to do with the assistance of a therapist, we are here to support you.

You already have everything you need to succeed inside of you. And, at some point, we all need support along the way.

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Drop us a line.

Questions, concerns or need support?


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(917)426-1521

© 2023 EXPANSIVE THERAPY | ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Stay in the Know

Join our newsletter to get mental health tips and promotional offers delivered to you weekly.

Drop us a line.

Questions, concerns or need support?


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© 2023 EXPANSIVE THERAPY | ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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