For many LGBTQ+ people, growing up queer means living a closeted childhood where one is engaged in persistent strategy-making. In every situation, context and instance, big or small, you find yourselves evaluating and guessing the level of safety and acceptance around you. One way this manifests internally is by becoming an expert at holding two façades together: one that is your authentic truth, and one that you choose to portray to others. Another foundational way this manifests externally during adulthood is explained by what researchers have called The Best Little Kid in the World Syndrome. It is a concept where, based on the negative messages queer kids get about their sexual and/or gender identity, they deflect attention from their queerness by hyper-fixating on extrinsic markers of success, as a way of seeking validation and belonging. This typically occurs in the form of academic performance, pursuing elite and over-demanding career paths, a heightened focus on external appearance, and holding a perfectionist worldview, compared to their cisgender heterosexual counterparts. This is particularly heightened if one is visibly queer in their behavior or mannerisms that are stereotypical and are at a greater risk of attracting negative attention.

Implications on Mental Health and Wellbeing

At its core, the psychological narrative is one that says – You are innately flawed as a person due to being queer, and so the best way to conceal it AND gain social approval is by over-achieving in other areas of life – typically academically and professionally. This has direct implications to traits of perfectionism, workaholism, rigid and binary worldview, low self-worth and self-esteem, and as a result, lead to pathologies like depression, anxiety, and substance use disorders. Queer kids traumatized by heterosexist socio-cultural and political forces become adults who live a life of hyper-vigilance – being extremely aware of how they are perceived by others, constantly pushing themselves to do the “right” thing as is prescribed by the world around them, and agonize over their flaws and worry judgment for not being “the best.” If you are The Best Little Kid in the World, you will not be exposed or ridiculed for your identities. Rather, it is a way to prove to the world that you too are deserving of belonging, spite your queerness.