Always Becoming (Identity as a Process)

What you don't water doesn't grow. 

A queer identity, and specifically my queer identity, isn't just about who I want to have sex with. There are political ramifications, and a general desire to exist outside of the hetero-patriarchal norm that I grew up in. I no longer wanted to grow those plants. You know the ones. I'm not talking about individuals but broader cultural patterns: 

• Thinking that a relationship has to look a certain way to be legitimate 

• Less relying on society's templates for what is right and more honesty with what truly feels right for me 

• The creative aspect of knowing that all my desires and needs can be written from my heart instead of anyone else’s rule book 

  
  

My sister also mentioned that she noticed I wasn't wearing as many ‘put-together outfits’. I thought about this for a minute, and I realized, ah! She means I’m dressing like a lesbian. I'm still into fashion, but over time, what I wear reflects who I am on any given day. There isn’t any dressing for the male gaze. Not that that is a bad thing, just not a me thing. 

The queer identity also matches my philosophy of life itself, in that we are always becoming, and always coming out with who we are. This isn't a settled identity, but life and identity as a process. An ever changing process of becoming. 

Which is maybe the real answer to my sister's question. It was never really about who I hang out with or what I’m wearing, but more about what plants, or fields, I want to water.