Relationships, Technology, and Healing

Megan Murphy, Expansive Cofounder

Two people engaged in face-to-face conversation, illustrating how healing happens through human connection, presence, community, and real-life relationships in an increasingly digital world.

As technology continues to take up more and more space in our lives to solve more and more problems for us, it's important that we look at our relationship with it.

Imagine taking an animal away from its family for most of the day. I don't think you would do this. Taking an animal away and putting them into an artificial environment seems rather cruel, and yet we can spend so much of our time alone with our laptops or our phones. More and more people live alone. Research shows that the number one thing for longevity is community.

How does healing happen?

As a therapist, my passion revolves around understanding how healing happens. Most of our wounds have been created in relationships, and therefore the healing of those wounds needs to take place in relationships — and not just as an idea. When I say in a relationship, I mean with actual people, with actual bodies.

Where do I end and you begin?

To understand why this matters, let's look at what's actually happening when we're with other people. Most of us go through life thinking that the boundary of our skin is the end of us, but if you take a microscope and zoom in and in, what you will find is just a mass of energy and particles with no edge. We are actually interconnected with everything around us. We actually feel and are affected by the energy of the people around us.

and touching delicate fern leaves, symbolizing healing through connection, presence, and relationship in a technology-driven world

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Technology and me

Let's look at AI for a moment. I have intricate conversations with my chatbot. They help me be productive in ways I never could be without them. Having this at my disposal is not something I would give up — but if healing happens in a relationship, it is actually in relationship with other humans, with other bodies. When we are having a meal with someone or having an in-person session or taking a walk with a friend, our particles are mixing and our bodies are being witnessed. When we are having a conversation with a chatbot, our mind is engaged with something that is reflecting our mind, our ideas — but our body is not being tended to, and our molecules are not mixing with anyone else.

Why this doubly matters for the Queer population

This is true for everyone, and it is even more important for the queer population. If we already carry wounds internally about being accepted or accepting ourselves, then technology that substitutes for human contact may deepen our isolation rather than ease it. We need healing experiences with other people, and most of all, we all need to continue learning how to relax when we are close to other people.

Let me say that one more time. We need to relax when we are close to other people. This isn't the same thing as needing to be happy when we are close with other people, but only that we learn to have all of our feelings when we are close to others, because it is the relationship itself that is the healing element.