Why do we lose the chemistry with someone we once felt so passionate about? 

Let’s face it, losing sexual interest has no boundaries.  It can happen to every intimate couple. I’m going to focus on women, but this can apply to anyone.

Women like to connect.  At the beginning this is a great thing.  The connection can expand beyond being lovers to being best friends.  It’s easy to center a person in your world that seems to check off all of the boxes. At the beginning of the relationship it’s easy to let go of other relationships because all of your connection needs seem to be met. The love drug is carrying you through life effortlessly.

But perhaps it’s the connecting itself, the holding on, sometimes too tightly, that can become the problem.  

How can we be too connected?

Every aspect of our life is a matter of taking in or letting go.  Think about the breath itself.  The world is equal parts creation and destruction, energy in and energy out.  Holding on, letting go.  Messing it up, and tidying it back up. This is true for human connection as well.  We need space in order to come back together.  We need space to be able to breathe and spend time with ourselves.  

You need to stop kissing in order to kiss again.

I’m going to let you go so that you can come back to me.  And so that I can come back to myself.

When we let go of someone else and fully come back to our own experience of life we might gain perspective in what we feel and what we want.  When we invest in other friendships we might learn something new and experience things that our partner cannot provide for us. We might feel buoyed by a sense of communal support and have more energy to bring back to our primary relationship.

Can you challenge yourself to believe in the power of letting someone go in order to receive them again?

Let go to come back again.

1. Ask yourself if there are ways for you to differentiate within your relationship.

2. Consider how you might take space to fully reconnect with yourself. A solo adventure, connecting with nature, spiritual pursuits?

3. Knowing that you are responsible for your own happiness, think about how you want to take charge of your own sexual experiences, with yourself and with your partner.

4. Be willing to be tender and awkward.  Rekindling a sexual connection takes courage. Talk about what you each might like to create together. 

5. If attempts to reconnect are not productive, can you discuss opening the relationship?