Do you have a strong enough emotional foundation?
Adding a third is fun and exciting, but also means a lot of emotional conversations that will test the strength of your current relationship. Insecurities and boundary issues will almost certainly surface. Do you have enough of a foundation to have those emotional conversations?
You’re expanding from one relational dynamic to four. Do you currently have enough capacity in your life?
Yes, four.
1. Your relationship with your partner
2. Your relationship with your third
3. Your partners’ relationship with your third, and
4. Your relationship as a throuple.
Take inventory of how much space you have in your life as a couple. Think about family, friends, work, pets, and whatever else takes up space.
Where are we aligned in terms of what we’re looking for, and where do we differ?
What would throuple success look like for each of you? Are you on the same page about the gender identity and sexual orientation of your desired third? What would you like to explore and what’s off limits? Where is compromise possible?
Do you have a strong enough emotional foundation?
Adding a third is fun and exciting, but also means a lot of emotional conversations that will test the strength of your current relationship. Insecurities and boundary issues will almost certainly surface. Do you have enough of a foundation to have those emotional conversations?
You’re expanding from one relational dynamic to four. Do you currently have enough capacity in your life?
Yes, four.
1. Your relationship with your partner
2. Your relationship with your third
3. Your partners’ relationship with your third, and
4. Your relationship as a throuple.
Take inventory of how much space you have in your life as a couple. Think about family, friends, work, pets, and whatever else takes up space.
Where are we aligned in terms of what we’re looking for, and where do we differ?
What would throuple success look like for each of you? Are you on the same page about the gender identity and sexual orientation of your desired third? What would you like to explore and what’s off limits? Where is compromise possible?
Do you have a strong enough emotional foundation?
Adding a third is fun and exciting, but also means a lot of emotional conversations that will test the strength of your current relationship. Insecurities and boundary issues will almost certainly surface. Do you have enough of a foundation to have those emotional conversations?
You’re expanding from one relational dynamic to four. Do you currently have enough capacity in your life?
Yes, four.
1. Your relationship with your partner
2. Your relationship with your third
3. Your partners’ relationship with your third, and
4. Your relationship as a throuple.
Take inventory of how much space you have in your life as a couple. Think about family, friends, work, pets, and whatever else takes up space.
Where are we aligned in terms of what we’re looking for, and where do we differ?
What would throuple success look like for each of you? Are you on the same page about the gender identity and sexual orientation of your desired third? What would you like to explore and what’s off limits? Where is compromise possible?
What agreements do you want to make beforehand?
Agreements can always change over time and will likely change with the input of your third, but what is important upfront? Maybe sex is always with all three. Maybe you want your third to live separately.
Is there going to be a power hierarchy or three equal partners?
Will you be primary partners adding a secondary who has less decision making power in the relationship, or will all three be equal? If hierarchy, how will you communicate this to your third? If equal, what insecurities might that bring up and what assurances might you each need?
Are we okay if it doesn’t work out?
If you end up back at square one or one partner wants to stop trying, will that be okay? Is there an urgency behind throupling, and what is at the core of that urgency?
Who do we want to share our polyamorous exploration with?
Polyamory is a stigmatized lifestyle or identity and unfortunately not everyone will validate your attempt to expand your relationship. Who feels safe and affirming? Who might discourage, judge, or discriminate? Decisions about coming out as a throuple can wait until you’ve found your third :)
