As the language around identity and gender continues to grow and expand, so too must the language of sexuality and sexual identity. As a queer counselor, I have noticed how a client’s expression of gender has broadened while expression of sexual identity remains more confined to binary terms. The beautiful thing about human experience is that as each identity is integrated into the larger culture, it leaves the door open for another entirely new experience to come through it. As we continue to make room for all types of experiences, we must consider; what other sexual identities exist and how can we make more room for them? 

So, What’s the Difference?

Many assume that sexual orientation and sexual identity have the same meaning when, in fact, the two terms have nuance, rich meaning and diversity. Sexual orientation, according to many outlets, focuses on an enduring sexual, romantic, and emotional attraction to a particular gender/s. Sexual orientation, in and of itself, has remained largely binary in terms of heterosexual or homosexual, a construct that often alienates those that identify as bisexual, pansexual, etc. While sexual orientation is defined as an “enduring” pattern, it excludes changes in attraction that can occur throughout the lifespan. Sexual identity, on the other hand, emphasizes how someone infuses their own sense of personal identity into the context of their sexuality and attraction (Schubert & Pope, 2023). This makes for an exciting journey of self-discovery. 

Where sexual orientation might require someone to check off a certain box, sexual identity allows an individual to explore facets of attraction, pleasure, and curiosity in a highly personalized fashion, comprising all of one’s self and autonomy. Individual personality characteristics and parts of identity are then incorporated into the person’s sexuality. Someone may identify as heterosexual in terms of their sexual orientation and still find pleasure, satisfaction or emotional/romantic connection with a person/s of the same sex or gender. Sexual identity also beautifully encompasses the varied dimensions of sexual expression. For example, someone who identifies as demi-romantic or demi-sexual seeks an emotional or romantic connection before engaging in sex whereas someone who identifies as sex-averse is a person on the asexual spectrum who expresses a lack of interest in sex. 

Despite the growing number of sexual identities, many are still unknown or potentially dismissed. As a queer therapist, a prevalent issue I see with clients is how sexual fluidity in a heteronormative world continues to be stigmatized and shamed. Describing sexual identity in binary terms hinders the experience of all people by insinuating that there is one “right” way to express sexuality. We forget that sexual fluidity applies to everyone! So then, how does this change? 

And What’s Next?

While no one way is correct, the more we are able to bring these identities to consciousness, the greater opportunity we have to include them in the vernacular of human experience. Being queer therapists means we have the ability to create spaces of exploration for our clients to define (or not define!) themselves in terms that make sense to them. In these expansive spaces, clients gain an outlet where they can venture into sexual identity issues with bravery, curiosity, and a newfound sense of freedom. As queer therapists, we get to assist clients in finding that language that best describes and supports their experience. Therapy then becomes an active place of rebellion where clients are able to challenge binaries and cultural standards with the support of a queer therapist. 

Through counselor awareness and training in human sexuality, we can empower our clients to keep striving towards liberation. Doing our own individual work as therapists also allows us to hold more space for our clients and their identities while further acknowledging and normalizing their experiences. When we provide infinite openness, the client experiences permission to discover themselves in their own time. Then as clients come to learn and express more about their own sexual identities, the more change and acceptance we begin seeing in all our communities. 

Schubert, A.M. & Pope, M. (2023) Handbook for human sexuality: A sex positive approach. American Counseling Association.