Spiritually Queer Relationship Therapy

But the biggest differences in Queer relationship work are spiritual opportunities

Take those het-norm rules away and you have to think about what you actually want and what actually works for you. This means deep work for all parties, which means deep work for each person in the relationship.  Most people come into the session with a host of complaints about their partner (or partners) while at the same time quickly saying, Well, I love them.  

But what does that mean when you say you love them?

Are there things that are being assumed?  The words of love are gone as soon as they are uttered.  No amount of saying the phrase will make a difference if your partner doesn’t actually feel loved by you.  

So in sessions I want the clients to come into the present moment with their full feeling self and oftentimes let go of the deep narratives in their heads.  (Because everyone is right in their own mind)  If you examine these narratives they are almost always about building a case for yourself to prove you are the one that is right.  In a strictly materialistic world we often allow ourselves to think there is an objective truth.  But everything we have discovered about the quantum field tells us that infinite views and experiences are happening at once. Getting stuck in right/wrong will not get anyone where they want to go.

Your experience is just your own. Do you want to be right and alone?  Or maybe you actually love being angry because this feels more empowered than the actual sadness of your vulnerable experience?  Or do you want to do the work of examining your mind, and all the ways in which the narratives  do not serve you?

Relationship work done with the intention of growth, questioning what the experience of love means for you, will always be spiritually elevating.