Gay men often have complicated relationships with their bodies, through no fault of their own but due to the homophobic system that we all grew up in. Here are some of the reasons why body dysmorphia often runs deep in gay men’s lives:

1. Unrealistic Body Ideals

Gay culture often elevates a specific body type: lean, muscular, ab-tastic, and flawless. Social media, dating apps, and even gay media frequently reinforce this aesthetic, leaving many men feeling inadequate if they don’t measure up.

2. Early Experiences of Shame and Rejection

Growing up gay in a heteronormative world often involves experiences of bullying, hiding, or feeling “other.” Some men internalize the belief that if they can perfect their appearance, they’ll finally be accepted or loved.

3. Hyperfocus on Visibility and Performance

In many social spaces—especially on instagram—looks can feel like a currency. When attractiveness seems tied to belonging or attention, it’s easy to see why some gay men develop a fraught relationship with their bodies.

4. Trauma and Internalized Homophobia

Trauma doesn’t always come in loud forms. Microaggressions, rejection, or growing up without representation can all contribute to internalized shame that gets projected onto the body.

Signs of Body Dysmorphia in Gay Men

Body dysmorphia can be subtle but impactful. You might notice:

• Obsessing over a particular body part (e.g., abs, jawline, skin)

• Comparing your body to others—especially online

• Feeling anxious before social events because of how you look

• Spending excessive time at the gym out of shame, not health

• Avoiding intimacy or relationships due to body-related fears

• A constant sense of “I’m not attractive enough”

If these patterns sound familiar, remember that you are absolutely not alone, this is a common issue in our community—and there is a path forward.

How Gay-Affirming Therapy Can Help

At our practice, we take a gay-affirming, body-positive approach to therapy. That means we see you—not just your symptoms, but your story, your identity, and your strength.

💬 1. Safe Space to Be Fully Seen

You don’t need to “code-switch” or explain your life in a gay affirming therapy space. We create a relaxed space where you can be yourself and build an authentic relationship with your therapist. Many of our therapists are gay themselves. At the heart of all healing is a safe and authentic relationship.

🧠 2. Rewiring the Inner Narrative

Through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and other modalities, we help you challenge distorted beliefs like:

• “I’ll only be loved if I look a certain way.”

• “Everyone is judging my body.”

• “If I fix this flaw, I’ll finally feel better.”

We replace these beliefs with truths rooted in self-compassion, authenticity, and resilience.

❤️ 3. Healing Body Trauma

Whether your body has been policed, criticized, or hypersexualized, we work together to rebuild a relationship with your body that is based on care, not punishment. This may include mindfulness, somatic awareness, and boundary work.

🌈 4. Reclaiming Desire and Belonging

Therapy is a space to reconnect to your own definition of beauty, strength, and worth—not the one handed to you by apps or algorithms. We support you in building a life and identity that feels aligned, not performative.

Want to start gay affirming therapy?

If you’re a gay man struggling with body dysmorphia, you’re not shallow, vain, or broken. You’re responding to a world that didn't affirm your authentic self.

Expansive Therapy is 100% gay owned and founded for the sake of helping the gay community work through issues such as body dysmorphia.