I Know How I Feel, but Now What? A Queer Therapist’s Insights on Being With Your Feelings

Kyler Harrison, Resident Therapist

Man walking alone through a sunlit forest path, reflecting in nature — symbolizing emotional healing, mindfulness, and mental health awareness.

Table of Contents

Why We’re Not Taught Emotional Awareness in School
Growing Up Queer and Navigating Emotional Suppression
The Impact of Capitalism and Social Media on Mental Health
Emotions Aren’t Problems to Fix — They’re Signals to Feel
How Therapists Help Clients Work Through Overwhelming Emotions
7 Therapist-Approved Tools to Process Your Emotions Mindfully

We Aren’t Taught How to Feel

Growing up Queer in a rural Mormon community came with turbulent emotions and a deep desire to “fix them.” Grappling with the persistent grief of being Queer in a Mormon family often left me feeling lonely, guilty, and, honestly, terrified of what the future would bring. I kept my heavy feelings buried inside, fearing how others would react if I were to reveal the messiness behind the mask.

I overcompensated in every other facet of my life, hoping that eventually this would outweigh the emotions I considered baggage. I tried my best to excel in school, developing plans and strategizing my future. If I learned anything from school, it was to think and solve problems. For a large part of our lives, we are immersed in education systems that teach us how to use our brains, but rarely how to use our hearts.

Many institutions in society emphasize logic. Capitalism teaches us that we must try hard, climb the ladder, and reach our “full potential.” Internalizing the message that our emotions are problems that can be fixed through hard work or “pushing through” creates internal conflict. Our emotions can be painted as the culprit behind relationship struggles, shameful behaviors, and dissatisfaction, when really, our reaction to those emotions is usually where our problems lie.

Social Media and the Facade

If you’ve scrolled through social media, I am sure you have seen curated vacations, outfits, and relationships, reinforcing the idea that maybe our emotions can be solved by something outside of ourselves. To a degree, social media erases the truth that we are all humans with messy kitchens, insecurities, imperfections, and often overwhelming life circumstances.

I’ve encountered many clients who talk about emotions like weights holding them back from the life they desire. Whether it's guilt, jealousy, insecurity, sadness, or confusion, people often say, “I know how I feel, but now what?” Capitalism and social media can teach us that we have to “keep it together” to be okay. This can make emotions feel catastrophic, like a mess that needs to be cleaned up or making us feel as if we are broken.

Open journal with a pink pen and fresh wildflowers on a wooden desk by the window — symbolizing emotional self-care, mindful journaling, and therapeutic writing practices.

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Emotions Aren’t Fixed

What if we viewed emotions as indicators of where we need to feel seen in that moment? As a therapist and a human, I like to think of emotions as visitors. If these emotions come for a visit and will eventually leave, how does that change the way we approach them? Pay attention. When those emotions come up, do we block them out, numb them, or try to fix them?

Some of the most transformative experiences I have witnessed and experienced have come from learning to take a deep breath and listen. What does the emotion feel like? How old is it? Is it familiar? How would that emotion like to be treated? Shifting our mindset that emotions aren’t meant to be fixed, but rather felt, is a step in honoring all of our parts, even the messy ones.

7 Ways to Be with Your Emotions Instead of Fix Them

In a solution-focused society, it is easy to think emotions are a problem to solve. In my work, I hope to cultivate a space that honors those feelings, not as broken, but as human. Humans are not neatly wrapped aesthetics; we are dynamic and ever-changing beings. Being human can be overwhelming, and emotions can be too, which is why we can act so quickly or sink into a frozen state. You might be surprised by what can change when we try to learn from that. Here are several ways to do that:

- 4-7-8 breathing (breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 6, and exhale for 8). This promotes relaxation, reduces anxiety, and improves sleep.

- Journal messily! No need to monitor what you write, just let it all out and let the Notes app hold that weight for a while.

- Give yourself a hug. Hugging yourself can provide many of the same stress-relieving and soothing benefits as a hug from another person.

- Make yourself a pot of herbal tea.

- Tell someone you love about the emotion you’re harboring. How can you ask that person to hear you or validate you? This might mean saying something like, “I have something I want to share with you and I really just need you to listen and tell me you hear me.”

- Take a walk and pay attention to what’s going on around you.

- Express the emotion in a piece of art. It doesn’t have to be good; it can just be.