We are all hooked on validation from the outside world. We want to be approved of, loved, turned on by someone. We are like children with endless appetites for sweets. Breaking free from toxic shame can help us understand where this craving for approval comes from and how to release it.
But here is what happens. We get the love, and then we are basically strung out until we get it again. My God, when will it come?
The problem with this is that it leaves our good feelings in the hands of others, which leaves us feeling powerless. We are farming out our happiness to others. Do we really want to give others this kind of power? Or for that matter, pressure others to make us feel good? Is it their job?
Sitting with someone who has done a lot of this psychological and self worth work, you can feel the calmness emanating from them. They are not needy. And it lets you off the hook. Self-compassion in queer therapy shows how learning to meet yourself with kindness can shift your relationships.They don’t need approval (or as much of it) and are ok just as they are. Refreshing.
What if the basis of your contentment came from within? And the validation that comes from the outside was just icing on the cake?
How do we learn to turn ourselves on?
Turning yourself on means that you are the one in charge of your own good feelings. You are also in charge of your bad feelings!
How much time do you spend creating inner joy? Make this your mantra, I am here with myself through this entire life and every day I create a more beautiful experience!
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8 Steps to Inner Contentment (or how to turn yourself on)
Find moments in the day to connect with yourself. See what your mind is doing, saying, and then gently bring it towards love.
Whisper “I love you” to yourself when something feels hard.
Those songs that remind you of an ex? Sing them to yourself.
Ween yourself from socials that make you feel overly envious or needy. See these for what they are. (They are built to make you feel that you are not enough) Notice when you are posting just to get feedback.
Ask your therapist about parts work (IFS) in order to begin to love the hurting parts within.
Ask yourself, what do I really think?
Keep a private journal where you can write down your thoughts without worrying about other’s approval.
Begin a gratitude practice in your journal or in your mind just before falling asleep. In gratitude we are full.
8 Steps to Inner Contentment (or how to turn yourself on)
Find moments in the day to connect with yourself. See what your mind is doing, saying, and then gently bring it towards love.
Whisper “I love you” to yourself when something feels hard.
Those songs that remind you of an ex? Sing them to yourself.
Ween yourself from socials that make you feel overly envious or needy. See these for what they are. (They are built to make you feel that you are not enough) Notice when you are posting just to get feedback.
Ask your therapist about parts work (IFS) in order to begin to love the hurting parts within.
Ask yourself, what do I really think?
Keep a private journal where you can write down your thoughts without worrying about other’s approval.
Begin a gratitude practice in your journal or in your mind just before falling asleep. In gratitude we are full.
